Kid Show Horror Stories: The Farm

Gather round, it's time for Kid Show Horror Stories! Our first story comes from me, Ben Young. This show wasn't cataclysmic ... it just plain stunk (actually, quite literally).

It was my first year living on my own, trying to make it as a magician. I took every show, every opportunity for money, that I could. It was early spring, and as an enterprising young businessman, I reached out to all the Easter egg hunts happening in my area, to see if they'd like to add a magic show to the festivities. Someone took the bait, and I was psyched!

Then I arrived. The client was a farm, where kids get to be up close and personal with the animals. Imagine a petting zoo, but on a bigger scale. Horses, goats, bunnies, chickens, ducks ... all there to feed, pet, and cuddle.

When I showed up, I instantly regretted taking the gig. I'm not a fan of outdoor shows as it is, but on a farm, it was even worse. Smelly and muddy and muggy. They showed me where I was to perform. In a muddy field, on a slight incline, with the sun directly behind me (thus backlighting me and shining right into the audience's eyes), and away from an electrical outlet. So no music or microphone today. I do a lot of bits where silks and other props will fall on the floor. Not today. Routines became shorter because I couldn't do some parts of routines.

There was a low energy all around, the audience was squinting at me and I'm pretty sure the kids just wanted to go back to petting the "horsies" and baby goats. Not to mention trying to find easter eggs and get free candy. And then, the final straw.

Remember how I mentioned this was like a big petting zoo? Well the majority of the animals roamed free. So while I'm performing, I'm seeing goats and chickens running around. But then, a full-grown potbellied pig approached me during my Pom Pom Stick routine. My routine has a rhythm, but it came to a complete halt as I stare at this approaching pig in fear. It nearly knocks over my table, and very much wants to rub it's muddy body against my leg. I look at the pig and make a funny comment. I'm sure it was a hilarious moment for everyone. I, however, was dying inside. The pig (I believe it's name was Petunia) eventually wanders off, I finish the show, and speed home, still dying inside.

And wouldn't you know it, the client wanted me back the next year ...